EP: 123


When to Let Go & Go Through with Divorce with Dr. Frederick Tiesenga

Multiple songs have been written about the futility of trying to make someone love you. But if that someone is your spouse, you may spend years (and a lot of money) in the attempt. So, how do you know when it’s time to let go and go through with a divorce?

Dr. Frederick Tiesenga is an award-winning, board certified bariatric surgeon dedicated to helping people achieve a healthier lifestyle. He is also the author of I Do Until I Don’t: A Surgeon’s Story of Divorce and Healing, a collection of his experiences through marriage and divorce. In the book, Dr. Tiesenga gets real about what a healthy marriage should look like and shares his hard-earned insights into divorce.

On this episode of Divorce Dialogues, Dr. Tiesenga joins Katherine to share the story of his own contentious divorce, describing what he did to try and save the marriage—and why it didn’t work. He offers his take on why a prenuptial agreement is a necessity and discusses what couples can do to communicate their needs before it’s too late. Listen in to understand what Dr. Tiesenga did to heal and move on from his divorce and get his advice on hiring a divorce attorney who will advocate for you!


What inspired Dr. Tiesenga to write I Do Until I Don’t

What Dr. Tiesenga learned from trying to save his marriage

  • Don’t force your partner into counseling
  • Can’t buy things to make spouse like you

Dr. Tiesenga’s tips for navigating a contentious divorce

  • File counter-petition (no matter what)
  • Don’t spend money unless ordered by judge
  • Leave courthouse as quickly as possible
  • Ask for trial date asap, first deal = best deal

Why couples wait too long to go to marriage counseling

Why Dr. Tiesenga advocates for getting a prenup

How focusing on his career helped Dr. Tiesenga start to heal

Discussing expectations as couples negotiate a prenup

Dr. Tiesenga’s advice for choosing a divorce lawyer


Dr. Tiesenga’s Website


The Center for Understanding Conflict

Miller Law Group

Katherine on LinkedIn

The New Yorker’s Guide to Collaborative Divorce by Katherine Miller

Email katherine@westchesterfamilylaw.com

Call (914) 738-7765


I Do Until I Don’t: A Surgeon’s Story of Divorce and Healing by Frederick M. Tiesenga, M.D.

Divorce Busting: A Step-by-Step Approach to Making Your Marriage Loving Again by Michele Weiner-Davis